The things I understand most in life are the things I can't explain. Other people may be there to help us, teach us, guide us along the way, but the lesson to be learned is always ours. After six and a half years devoting my time to this organization- meeting lasting friends, learning what true philanthropy looks like from some unparalleled exceptional volunteers, learning to stand in front of a crowd and talk with confidence, knowing myself enough to stand in front of a judges panel to express my opinions on politics, current events, what is happening in our world, and talk about myself, learning to walk with my head held high in 3 ½ inch heels in front of hundreds of people in a bikini, (how to vacuum in 3 inch heels, clean in 3 inch heels, grocery shop in 3 inch heels, chase kids in 3 inch heels, run and play in 3 inch heels, and walk across a cold concrete garage floor in 3 ½ heels for that matter), and practicing what I love more than anything- music, I really found out who I was and who I wanted to be. The hardest battle you are ever going to fight is the battle to be you. But I understand now that this program helps you discover that person you are. So it is hard to be disappointed that I didn’t become Miss California. Because I still won. The cynics can laugh but I am laughing over here with the $20,000 I earned while competing in the Miss America Organization.
As you know, I love to share my personal favorite memories from my experiences, but also more than hoping to share my favorite memories, I hope to let you live vicariously through the blessed life I surely do not deserve. It is my wish that at some point in my reading you will have one of those feelings, a thought, a way of looking at things... I hope you find part of yourself in my stories...perhaps something you thought was special, odd, particular to you. There it will be, written by somebody else, maybe someone you have never met, and it will be as if my hand has come out and taken yours. We are not alone in our thoughts, our emotions, our experiences. Sometimes we feel that we may have lost our minds; but then you find that you are in good company. These memories were worth all the sleepness nights it took to make them.
As you know, I love to share my personal favorite memories from my experiences, but also more than hoping to share my favorite memories, I hope to let you live vicariously through the blessed life I surely do not deserve. It is my wish that at some point in my reading you will have one of those feelings, a thought, a way of looking at things... I hope you find part of yourself in my stories...perhaps something you thought was special, odd, particular to you. There it will be, written by somebody else, maybe someone you have never met, and it will be as if my hand has come out and taken yours. We are not alone in our thoughts, our emotions, our experiences. Sometimes we feel that we may have lost our minds; but then you find that you are in good company. These memories were worth all the sleepness nights it took to make them.
Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength. I have no regrets. There's an old quote that is something like "Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience." Or as my Grandma Vicki says, "Failure is never a failure as long as it is a learning experience". I did everything I could, and how can I complain that the judges fell in love with the very same girl I did and who I adore to pieces? Arianna will make us so proud and I can’t wait to plan my trip to go see her. It may be like when I went to see Kristy, I was flat broke, I pinched pennies, and even drove 8 hours by myself to get to Vegas, but with that much love in my heart I got there. And no one could have appreciated that week more than I did. And no one did. I sat there in the Planet Hollywood Theater like a starstruck teenager in awe as I looked at the Miss America stage, soaking every sight in. When I think about my experience this year I can smile because I know there are thousands of girls across the nation that will never have the opportunity to compete at their state pageant;I had that opportunity. I am so grateful to have been selected as a representative in California and I will forever cherish the memories. It brings tears to my eyes to think that I will never be Miss California, but I hope you understand that I know God has a plan for me and that everything works out just as it should. If God had meant for today to be perfect, he wouldn't have invented tomorrow.
Now I will set my sights on bigger and better things and yes, I will carry on! I have eight months as Miss Gavilan Hills to attend any pageant I want, for free, to promote my platform, to soak up and embrace that I am part of a prestigious sisterhood that will never go away.
Yesterday was a very special day. 8 years ago, on July 11th, Ryan asked me to be his girlfriend while sitting on his oversized suede couch in his room. I smiled and giggled with delight 8 years ago, and I still giggle with delight every time he asks me out on a date. I have a special respect for this man. For he loved me when I was “nobody", he believed in me when I didn't believe in myself, and he pushed me to do the impossible. The sparkle in his eyes put the stars to shame. As I sat watching the signs on 99 pass by while Ryan held my hand, we drove further and further away from the Radisson Hotel and I looked over at him. He didn’t complain that he was moving my mounds of boxes, suitcases, clothes, garment bags, lamps (yes, I know), mirrors, and my piano out of the hotel on our anniversary. He never complained during my 10 days in Fresno that I couldn’t talk, and when I did find the time at midnight to call to say hi, he assured me I needed rest and should go. He had great plans to take me hiking to our favorite secret waterfall that day, but didn’t show an ounce of disappointment when he saw that I was just too tired. He told me all he wanted for our 8-year anniversary was to be next to me. So, that’s what he got. We laid on his couch and I promised to give all of my attention to him that day. “Pageant boyfriends” sacrifice so much, but I assure you, I find it hard to believe anyone else sacrifices more than mine. This one is for you, Ryan-Mr. California. For not complaining that I never mentioned you in my blogs, or at appearances, or stood next to you while 'on the job' and went about my business almost acting as if my boyfriend didn't exist. For smiling from the shadows, from across the room, for flying thousands of miles to watch me compete, and then driving an hour each way to Hoopeston every night on a dark unknown country road to watch me, for driving hours and hours throughout California with flowers in hand and encouraging words, for telling me I was still the best in your eyes the many times I didn't win, for slamming on the brakes when Florida and I screeched at the last minute driving 50 mph when we saw a sign we wanted to take a picture by, and then trekking through an unlighted corn field to get there, for waiting backstage, for hauling all of my stuff just about everywhere, for smiling through my bad moods and never yelling that you didn't like my attitude, for letting me shine and never complaining one bit.
I have not unpacked my Miss California wardrobe; I do not plan to do so any time soon.
Among my gigantic list of goals, here is what you can expect from me within the next few years:
- I want to become a certified judge so I can start judging right away when I become eligible in a few years
- I want to judge a teen pageant somewhere in there, too
- I want to become the youngest Rotarian in my area
- I want to get my masters before I go to medical school
- I want to become an Executive Director. This will be a few years from now, but I’ll be back.
- I want to give back just a small taste of what so many have given me: I would love to talk to girls who are going through this experience and offer any advice I possibly can. So if you are reading this, I would LOVE to hear from you. Teens, princesses, misses... It's not like my word is gold, but I certainly have the experience to share what I learned over the years and I can help you with what to expect. Even if we have never met, I assure you, we would be great friends. My door is open. jenharvey22@gmail.com
I remember every morning that the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. Thank you to so many for loving me, supporting me, and cheering me on as I lived a dream and set my goals high. So many have been thinking and praying for me during the last few months and it was through your support that helped me get through everything. I can never repay you so in humbleness I say thank you and I love you.
Jenna Michelle
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